


Missed Chances

by EnchantedbookLover18



Series: Change [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: AU, Basically no dialogue, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Part 2, Relationship Development, Sadness, Song fic, change, sort of 17x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22830106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedbookLover18/pseuds/EnchantedbookLover18
Summary: She had realised her growing, changing feelings for Nick when he was lying in the hospital bed, fatally injured and she’d thought then and there that she’d lose him. That she would lose Nick without ever getting to tell him how she felt.(Part Two of the Change series. Go read "Breathe" first :D)
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Series: Change [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636462
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	Missed Chances

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go. This is part two! If you haven't done that yet, please read part one "Breathe" first :)
> 
> This is a song fic again, I hope the song I chose sort of fits the fanfic.  
> The song is "Lose My Mind" by Dean Lewis :)
> 
> English is not my first language.
> 
> I'm sorry this is full of sadness again...I hope you enjoy anyway! (one or two more parts coming up soon!)

_“I see you walking through the rain_ _  
And I see the water covering your teardrops on your face  
And I know that I broke all your rules  
And oh, now you're looking at me, and I'm looking at you like a fool  
But, you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you  
No, you don't know what it's like when you can't go back”_

She took the caramel ice cream out of the fridge and walked over to the cashier, paying for her groceries and relieved to finally leave the store. Ellie usually got through the day just fine but as soon as she wasn’t surrounded by people anymore it got harder for her to push her feelings and thoughts aside – to breathe – because nothing was there to distract her. There was no one around who she could fool. Ever since _it_ happened her apartment felt awfully quiet. But it was her own doing after all, she guessed. Ellie was the one who pushed him away – she’d told Nick she needed time and space. No reason, no explanation. And Nick…well he’d just done what she’d asked him to do. She hadn’t talked to Nick in almost two weeks. Of course they still worked together and therefore couldn’t go without _any_ talking but they kept it at the necessities. And now that Ellie worked downstairs in Kasie’s lab – assisting her with the analytic part of their recent case – they managed to avoid each other almost completely.  
In all honesty though, she didn’t feel great about avoiding him. It was probably the hardest thing she ever had to do. She couldn’t talk to her best friend. At the time Ellie had made the decision she’d thought this was the best thing to do in their current situation – for her own sake and sanity. But maybe she’d lost it anyway.

_“'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you_ _  
And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose  
No, when I ain't got you  
No-oh  
No-no, I ain't got you  
No-oh”_

She had realised her growing, changing feelings for Nick when he was lying in the hospital bed, fatally injured and she’d thought then and there that she’d lose him. That she would lose Nick without ever getting to tell him how she felt. But then he thankfully woke up again and she sat by his side, joking, laughing – glad that he was going to make a full recovery. When Ellie took his hand in hers and he looked at her like-like she meant the world to him and as if he couldn’t believe that she was there – _with him_ – alive and well (besides for a few scratches), Ellie had thought that something had changed between them. Ellie had thought that now the time had come for them to move forward. To explore what was slowly growing between them and see where things might be going. She’d actually hoped that they both wanted _this_. But she must’ve been terribly wrong or she just wasn’t as good at reading people as she used to think.

A couple of days later Nick got released from the hospital and took Gibbs up on his offer to stay on the older man’s couch for as long as his recovery took. After nearly three weeks staying at Gibbs’ Nick had felt like himself again, he’d thought that he could be on his own again and so he left for his own apartment.  
During these few weeks his friends and co-workers had visited him quite frequently – and separately, so it wouldn’t be too much for him – and this way he was never alone. Ellie had spent a lot of time at Gibbs’ place, keeping Nick company by playing board games, poker, cooking and talking. They’d talked about so many things – but never about what had happened at the hospital. Ellie hadn’t have the courage to mention it and frankly, she’d hoped that she and Nick could talk about it after she’d given him some time to heal…before they entered this new stage of their relationship – if he wanted to, that is.

_“'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you_ _  
And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose?  
When I'm always bound to  
'Cause I tried to hold on tight to make you mine, but I lost each time  
And I only lose my mind when I ain't got you”_

And now? Now she’d missed her chance. He’d stayed home for another two weeks before he was finally cleared for work again. By the time Nick got back to NCIS it was Valentine’s Day already and Ellie – who hadn’t been able to visit him as frequently as before due to Gibbs and McGee needing her back in the field again – had thought it was time to finally make a move.  
Just as she was about to ask him about his plans for the evening, he blurted out that he’d meant to tell her something for quite a while then. For a short moment she could feel the hope rising in her chest before the world came crashing down on her. Nick had met a woman from his past a couple of weeks prior to his almost-deadly-accident/hit-and-run. They’d been texting ever since while he was at Gibbs’ and when he was finally able to go home again they’d met up for coffee and dinner…catching up about everything that had happened in their lives after they’d seen each other last at their high school graduation. Nick had told Ellie that it felt good and right to be with _her_. He had just seemed _so_ happy…and her world suddenly crumbled apart. This sure as hell wasn’t what she’d been expecting. But she’d smiled and laughed nonetheless, pretended to be happy for him when all she wanted to do was _scream_. Scream at him for making her feel like a fool. Scream at herself for letting it happen. For not telling him. For letting herself being fooled by a man _again_.

_“So come on inside, you'll catch a cold_ _  
Oh, darling the storm will pass when we grow old  
But you stand next to me with a look in your eyes  
And you say goodbye, and you say goodbye  
And you say goodbye  
But, you don't know what it's like to lose you”_

Suddenly Ellie felt mad at the whole world for making her go through this again. Whatever _this_ was. Heartache? Was her heart broken? Did she love him after all? To be honest, she didn’t know. But she had planned on figuring _it_ out. Together. With Nick. And now she was just so angry and she felt like she’d lost everything. Before it had even gotten a chance to start.

Ellie had managed to be without Nick for two weeks, but could she really stay away from him any longer? When the pain and anger…and regret were eating away at her. When all she _really_ wanted to do was tell him that…she missed him.

_“But I think it's time to let you go_ _  
To let your heart find a home  
I need to let you go  
  
'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you  
And how can I win when I'm always bound to lose  
No, I ain't got you  
No-oh  
No-no, I ain't got you  
Oh-oh”_


End file.
